I think it goes without saying that each and every one of us has a blotch in our past. That ugly mark, that you wish would go unnoticed, or forgotten, but in the back of your mind, you remember it so vividly, for the sole reason that you are not at all proud of who you were or what you did in that moment.
Our self esteem is not so much a quality or aspect of ourselves, as it is a process. I don’t believe anyone is simply born into this world with the perfect amount of self-confidence and respect.
It comes from how we are raised, partly, and what kind of environment we grew up in, what kind of people we socialized with and grew up with. There are too many factors to consider when attempting to understand one particular individual and why they act the way they do, or why they feel the way they do.
As a teenager, I constantly felt like a victim. I felt poorly about myself, and it was evident. I was an easy target for all the wrong types of people.
Even into early adulthood, I saw life through tunnel vision. I was the only person on this planet, and my feelings and actions were all I knew and understood.
I don’t know what changed, or when, but a day came in my life when I began to notice the other people around me, and how they behaved, specifically. Were their actions familiar to me? Was it something I had done or said once myself? And why did I do or say that very same thing? The more I observed, the more I learnt.
I began seeing the psychiatrist when I was nineteen years old.
I was greatly unhappy with myself. I focused on my mistakes, and every single shortcoming, until I was so distressed that I felt I didn’t belong. At all. Mentally, I had hit rock bottom, and there was nothing that anyone could do to help me, as long as I couldn’t help myself.
There had to be something I could do, to become a better person. To become stronger, and healthier, and most importantly, happy with myself.
It was the recognition of my own poor self esteem, and the constant observation and attempt to understand my feelings and actions and exactly what provoked me, that ultimately led to the path of betterment.
My past is most certainly not perfect. I’ve made too many mistakes and wrong choices to count. But that doesn’t make me any less of a human being. It doesn’t take away the opportunity for me to become better.
I’ve learnt to be proud of my accomplishments, and accept and love myself for who I am, as I work to become better and better with every passing day. I will still make mistakes. I will still make the wrong choices. But as I grow and become a better person, I will become stronger, more understanding, and happier, and the mistakes and wrong choices will lessen.
I want to be a part of the change I want to see in this world.
It’s easy to remember the bad things. The experiences, the people, and all the things you dislike about yourself. Make the effort to forgive and forget, and start remembering all the good things. See what it does for you.
There is nothing that holds us back but ourselves.
Free your mind, and open your heart to becoming better. Be better today than you were yesterday. Do something to improve your happiness. Learn something new. Smile at someone who loses their patience with you for no reason, and pray for their lives to get better.
Let’s make the world a great place to be.